In this post, we appreciate the real damn good menu sound effects from FF8.
Mail Bad
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Mail Bad #3: Don’t Be Afraid (of sending me mail)
It’s time for another mail bag post! Thanks everyone for loving Final Fantasy VIII. We’ve got some good submissions this time, including a conspiracy theory that I can’t […]
Game Mechanics
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The Draw system makes grinding fun
I fucking hate grinding. I cannot fucking stand it. If your game has me gathering crystals to craft into a shield or whatever shit, I will instantly lose […]
Nonsense
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What could we do with every single copy of Final Fantasy VIII
Final Fantasy VIII was one of the best-selling PlayStation 1 games, which means a whole lot of four-disc jewel cases were manufactured for it. If we acquired every single copy of FF8 for PS1, what could we do with them?
Personal Stories / Regrettable Things
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That time I got bullied in middle school for liking FF8
A few times now on this blog, I have alluded to an incident when I got picked on because I liked Final Fantasy VIII. It is time to […]
Characters / Narrative, Dialogue, & Lore
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It’s actually for the best that FF8 doesn’t let you play as a little freak
A random observation: Final Fantasy VIII breaks a streak of Final Fantasy games from 1994–2002 letting you play as freaky dudes.
Characters / Narrative, Dialogue, & Lore
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Adel is incredibly ripped: an investigation
The following real conversation occurred between this blog’s editors Phil and AL when discussing how Sorceress Adel was able to achieve so much during her despotic rule and how she got so swole (and 23 feet tall).
Characters / Nonsense
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Laguna is a big himbo
There was gonna be more to this post but honestly Laguna is a himbo and we all know it. What else is there to say.
Essays / General Screaming
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Why I love the big-ass buildings of FF8
Posting yesterday about the Horizon Bridge reminded me that I’m fascinated by massive human-made structures. Not even ones that were actually constructed. In high school, I loved reading […]
Narrative, Dialogue, & Lore
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How long is the Horizon Bridge anyway, good lord
In Final Fantasy VIII, there is a massive bridge spanning Galbadia continent to Esthar continent. It is totally impractical to build a bridge between continents, and it’s especially […]
Characters / Narrative, Dialogue, & Lore
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SeeD: An elite mercenary force? No
SeeD is a Garden-related pun, but it has another meaning. Are they actually meeting their goals? Let’s break this down…
Blog Updates
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Now you can yell at me if you want
aka there is now a contact form. Please be nice or send me your cool Final Fantasy VIII things for the next mailbag post.
Characters
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Every FF8 boss ranked based on how bad they could fuck you up IRL
A reasonable attempt to determine how fucked we’d truly be in the world of FF8.
Essays / Game Mechanics
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Ultimecia’s most dangerous weapon is breaking the rules
My all-time favorite fighting game character is Aganos from the 2013 reboot of Killer Instinct. Rather than just having a slightly different set of punches and kicks, Aganos […]
History
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The FF8 tech demo we’ll never see again
When Sony announced the PlayStation 2, they started a year-long marketing machine that sent it into stratospheric levels of hype. If you didn’t witness it as it was […]
Creativity
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My Cactuar cookies are begging to die
Last year for Christmas, my family and friends (including site contributor AL) received Cactuar cookies. Someone was selling a set of incredible Final Fantasy cookie cutters on Etsy, […]
Nonsense
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Quiz: Are you a fan of Final Fantasy VIII?
Are you a fan of Final Fantasy VIII? This quiz will finally help you figure it out!
History
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Window-shopping for the least popular Final Fantasy VIII merchandise
FFVIII was the follow-up to one of the games that defined the concept of blockbuster game marketing. Final Fantasy VII was an event, and Square marketed it that […]
Game Mechanics / Nonsense
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You cannot eat Rinoa but it was worth trying
A profile in hunger.
Game Mechanics
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Devour, the least necessary (and greatest) ability in the Final Fantasy series
There are two incredibly funny things about the Devour ability in Final Fantasy VIII.
Blog Updates
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Please welcome our new contributor
Please welcome our newest contributor, AL, who has even more unhinged opinions about Final Fantasy VIII than I do.
Mail Bad
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Mail Bad #1: You People Are Also Weird About FF8
I was going to call this “Mail Bag,” but I made a typo and it’s too late to change it now.
Creativity / Music / Other People Who Get It
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Musical interlude: Lacey Johnson covers “The Landing”
The ship landing sequence in Dollet at the beginning of Disc 1 has to be the most iconic sequence in Final Fantasy VIII. It’s a slow ramp-up to […]
History
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The game magazine that spent two years taunting a Final Fantasy VIII hater
I’m unsure how popular GameNOW magazine was, but over the course of two years, they pulled off one of the weirdest running gags I’ve seen in a game […]
Characters / General Screaming
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Posture check for Rinoa
Girl what the hell your skeleton isn’t supposed to do that. No wonder you’re asleep for the entire Disc 3, your upper back’s gotta feel like shit. Have fun Angelo Searching for Motrin when you’re 30.
Creativity / Nonsense / Regrettable Things
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Moments in obsession: the incoherent Mario fangame I made at age 11 where Luigi crosses over with Final Fantasy VIII
Today I’m gonna share something I rarely take out of the mothballs. When I was in elementary school, I was a novice amateur game maker who exclusively used […]
Essays
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We are stuck in 2007
Unless you’re deep in the film world, you’ve probably never had to read Raising Kane, an explosively controversial essay by film critic Pauline Kael, alleging that Citizen Kane […]
History / Nonsense
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Who would win: Final Fantasy VIII vs 2000 Toyota Echo
In 1999, Squaresoft promoted the release of Final Fantasy VIII by giving away a 2000 Toyota Echo to one lucky winner who pre-ordered the game at participating retailers. Which raises the question: Which is more valuable today?
Creativity
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I made a Final Fantasy VIII car in Forza Horizon 5 and drove it off a cliff
This is how I feel every day.