Long story short: I briefly became fascinated today by the Dove Foundation, a Christian non-profit that reviews movies and TV shows based on how appropriate they are for families. To that end, they mostly reviews Christian movies and other associated pieces of that alternate reality version of American culture, like a movie about Ronald Reagan starring Dennis Quaid.
Once upon a time, the Dove Foundation also did video game reviews, using a rating system of “Approved,” “Caution,” and “Not Recommended.” Every game was rated on a five-point scale for sex, language, violence, drugs, nudity, and “Occult/New Age.” There’s a more detailed breakdown of each rating on their website, which goes into the specific criteria they used for their reviews. If women wear shorts skirts, that’s an automatic 1 or 2 on the Nudity scale. Once you reach 3 for any criteria, it’s no longer approved.
These game reviews seem to have been taken off the Dove Foundation website, but you can still find most of them backed up on the Wayback Machine. I found myself wanting to make a list of every game approved by the Dove Foundation, just to see what they decided was or wasn’t appropriate. For the most part, it’s obscure Christian specialty video games and sports games, but they did occasionally review other titles, usually to tell you that Diablo II is evil (their problem with the game, apart from the violence, is that it depicts man being able to defeat Satan without relying on the power of God, arguably the first and only time this argument has been raised in the history of game criticism). Or that Star Fox Adventures promotes the occult because Tricky worships gods other than Christ.
They did also review Final Fantasy VIII, and so I feel compelled to report on it.
Right off the bat, I’ve got some issues. Not only did they use the box art for the wrong game, but later in the review, they actually call it “Final Fantasy VII (FF7).” This review immediately gets a 5/5 for Occult/New Age because this is against god.
Moving on…
Rated T for Teen, there is the warning of animated violence, mild language, and suggestive themes. The adventure of this game is battling strange enemies and learning powerful magic. The battle scenes show attacks but do not show blood or glorified damage. The cinematic scenes that come along with the spells will show some dramatic attacks that should be cautioned for younger fans view.
I like the line being drawn between violence and glorified violence. Though clearly they didn’t get too far in this game, because nobody glorifies violence like Selphie on Disc 2.
The language can get raw although never extreme. The language issue arises from readable lines of what was “spoken” between characters on screen and although it is not audible, the words still are not suitable for younger game fans.
Children must not be allowed to learn the word “chicken-wuss.”
The suggestive themes are part of the overall plot, which is a love story, and although present at rare moments, are not explicit and are accompanied by a precautionary warning.
The review has been all well and good up to this point, but this is my big point of contention. It’s difficult for me to think of moments in Final Fantasy VIII that verge on sexually suggestive, besides the implication that Zone from the Forest Owls is a compulsive masturbator. FF8 gets a 2 on the Sex scale, which, according to Dove’s scale at the time, meant “sex within marriage is implied, but not explicit.” This ties it with The Sims, a game where
W… what? Am I missing something? The ESRB’s rating for FF8 only calls out the optional “naughty magazine” (see: Zone). Nobody fucks in FF8. In fact, there’s even less implied sex than FF7. Am I missing a scene? Did they get a special version of the game where Irvine gets pregnant? Why did I choose that as my example?
This game at moments requires dedication to the point that time cannot be an issue, and like a 600 page classic novel, there are moments of painfully slow plot development. At the beginning, there are several tutorials that although necessary, are in text form and must be memorized so they can be integrated threw out game play. These tutorials can always be re-read but for most gamers new to the series there will be a steep learning curve to overcome. The spells and “junctions” are learned in time but demand both patience and an eagerness to learn.
Part of Dove’s mission statement is to review the suitability of games for families, which doesn’t mean they’re just here to caution you about the occult elements of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 (why did it get a 1/5 in Occult?! Is it because of the Magic Bum??) or the existence of two women kissing in Enter the Matrix. They’re also here to advise you about whether or not children will have trouble playing the game. This part is actually useful to know! Understandably, they hone in on the fact that FF8 has a tough learning curve and throws a lot of information at you in the first hour. But it is very funny that right after telling you that FF8 contains inappropriate sexual content, they also warn you that it has too much text.
Like any classic novel, once the experience is completed, it can be looked back upon as an epic worthy of classic status. Graphics are the best ever for the Play Station I, along with solid music and an introductory musical score that is praiseworthy.
No notes.
Game control is well designed, although to achieve some of the scenes it can be slow to make your way through a town. A screen details each short section rather than providing a continuous flow of movement.
Once again, their main issue is that FF8 is too slow. This is probably helpful to know for younger children with low patience, but kids gotta grow up at some point.
Rated for Teens, caution is advised for younger teens. This soon-to-be classic game will be loved by followers of the series and a source of frustration for newcomers.
Buddy, I’m making Final Fantasy VIII is a source of frustration for EVERYONE.